Children, Parenting

Nurturing Vs. Smothering: Getting The Balance Right

When you have kids, it’s all too easy to become overprotective of them. In situations like this, you may find that you begin smothering them rather than nurturing them the right way, and this can come with its very own set of issues. Getting the balance right is so important if you want your child to grow up happy and healthy emotionally.

Both Kids And Adults Need Closeness/Distance

Kids and adults need the right amount of closeness and distance, and when these things are out of balance, it can cause problems. Of course when you have a baby, your baby needs to be sure that you will be there for them for survival, empathy, and connection. However, as they grow they need more and more freedom to get a sense of autonomy and the world around them.

Finding the balance can be tricky, but it can be done. Many parents desire too much closeness, when really what they should be doing is learning to let go. Kids and young adults can definitely drown in parental love, and they will likely become more resentful and get into more trouble for it.

Parents who think they are supportive can be experienced as overbearing and undermining, which can then affect the child’s self-esteem. In fact, this style of parenting has been closely linked with anxiety and depression.


How Do You Know If You’re Too Involved?

Just what level of involvement constitutes as too involved? Wearing your baby in a baby carrier from a place like is fine, but once your kid gets to a certain age, you need to learn the art of letting go. There are actually some signs you can pay attention to in order to figure out whether you’re too involved or not. They are as follows:

  • You’re not letting your kids fail and learn from their mistakes.
  • You’re doing your child’s homework for them.
  • You don’t let your kids do anything for themselves.
  • You’re being more of a friend than a parent.
  • You don’t set or stick to boundaries because you’re afraid your kids will be angry with you.
  • You’re more emotionally connected to your child than your spouse or other adults.
  • Your sense of self-comes from your child’s accomplishments.

If you’re going to parent the right way, you need to focus on ensuring your child can be independent and competent. If you’re too close, then you can guarantee your child will push you away more with every passing year. You should trust your child with tasks according to their age and ability, as well as praise their effort. You should always praise effort over intelligence as this sets them up for a healthier relationship with their goals as they grow up.


Are your nurturing your child just right? Perhaps this post has opened your mind a little. Whatever the case, make sure you work on getting the balance right as early on as possible. It’s for their own good, as well as yours. Good luck!

Disclosure: This is a contributed post.


Candid Mama


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